What the Bee Saw

“There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”—William Shakespeare (Hamlet, Act I, Scene 5).

I was strolling through the mall one evening at the beginning of the holidays when a window display unexpectedly jogged a memory. A stick-on display in a women’s clothing store featured a large pair of patterned wings that could have been inspired by either a butterfly or an angel. I thought first of a butterfly but then realized that the winged creature I was recalling was actually a bee. It happened like this: In my myth studies program, we had a class in Irish mythology and storytelling, and one of my classmates told a story involving a bee (the particulars of which I can’t remember). She handed out to each of us a small cardboard cutout of a bee, and I took mine home as a memento.

Why that particular pair of wings in the window reminded me of my classmate’s bee I don’t really know. At first, I thought I was remembering the handout as a butterfly, a symbol of the soul, until further reflection brought the rest of the story to light. Instead of putting the bee on a shelf somewhere once I got it home, I had decided to take it into work with me. I remember thinking that the heaviness that seemed to have settled over my office might be alleviated for me, at least slightly, by the presence of this little bee, which I left on the counter in the break room. I viewed it as kind of a talisman of good will and good luck, and I thought that it might also bring a small sense of delight to anyone else who saw it and wondered how it had gotten there. I don’t remember if I told anyone else what I had done, but I don’t think I did. I saw it as a kind of under-the-radar thing.

I thought I would leave the bee there for a while as a sort of magical object, free of charge, for anyone who might notice it. I was taken by surprise when I saw, the next time I went into the break room, that somehow someone else had picked it up and run with it, as it were, by moving the bee and placing it so deliberately in an odd location (perhaps on top of the hot water dispenser or among the tea bags) that it was impossible to think it had gotten there by accident. I moved it to another location, just as deliberately, and there followed a sort of dance between me and an unknown person (or persons) in which the cardboard bee was the connection. The next time I came into the break room, it might be sitting on its head among the swizzle sticks; I might next tip it on one wing and prop it against the soap dispenser. It was a little like passing a paint brush back and forth, though I never actually saw anyone move it, and I didn’t think the other person knew I was moving it either.

It’s hard to describe how this affected my feelings about being in the office. At a difficult time (which was to become much more difficult later, though I didn’t know it then), it was a little magical opening, a feeling of being at play, that I had never felt in the office before, even at the best of times. Someone was responding to my gesture with creativity and humor, and I had never expected that to happen. There was some kind of a meeting of the minds (or perhaps, more accurately, of the souls) taking place, and for some reason the entire episode made me feel that someone perhaps understood me and was validating my impulse to bring the bee into the office. I wondered who was doing it, but I didn’t really want to know. The mystery just added to the ludic quality of the game.

I can’t remember how long this went on, only that it happened in the summer, and that it made me feel better about going into work every day while it lasted. Then one day, the bee was gone. At the time, it made me sad: I thought someone had just thrown it away, and that seemed such an abrupt end to what had been a harmless but nonetheless engaging distraction. All these years later, I now wonder if in fact that is what happened, or if my mysterious interlocutor decided to keep the bee for some reason. It only occurred to me recently that stranger things might have been happening in the office than I was ever aware of—and perhaps not all of them bad, though there was plenty of that, too. You’d probably be amazed if I told you everything I’m thinking about that long ago time . . . a face wise beyond its years that comes into focus from somewhere in my memory, an overheard conversation, an inexplicably sad farewell that I am—rightly or wrongly—now associating with the episode of the bee.

In my mind, I think I have solved the mystery, though I can hardly believe it myself and am certain I was far from being the only one oblivious to a mysterious presence in our midst. Possibly, there was more than one mysterious presence there over time, not all of which were benevolent—though this one was. Sometimes, very significant things might be happening while you are thinking about something else entirely, and you might never be the wiser were it not for a small cardboard bee and a few smatterings of memory.

Am I right or am I wrong? To be determined . . .

Forgetting to Be Irish

I can never quite get off the ground with St. Patrick's Day. I know a lot of people love it, but for some reason I nearly always forget to wear green, and the holiday ends up as sort of a nonstarter for me. It happened again today: ahead of time I was thinking, "I'll bet I forget to wear green again." By the time I got dressed, I forgot I'd been thinking that, but I also forgot to wear anything green. Maybe it's just that I'm not overly fond of corned beef, cabbage, and green glitter, but for whatever reason, the day usually slips by me.

There have been a few St. Patrick's Days that were more memorable than others. For several years, I was in the habit of taking a vacation in March that often led me to NoCal so that I was in San Francisco for St. Paddy's. The first time it happened I actually went to a restaurant for an Irish meal; my friend Jot and I somehow ended up at this place in the Mission that was celebrating the day with traditional Irish food. I don't remember what I had, but considering my cooked cabbage phobia, I'm thinking it must have been something more like stew or potatoes. I do recall that we were regaled non-stop by a character seated near us who just could not stop talking. I've met some overly chatty strangers in my time, but this man was the very King of Chat, bar none.

You do meet some personalities in San Francisco, and sometimes you just have to roll with it, but I've never before or since met anyone so determined to insert himself into the conversation of complete strangers (and few people more immune to hints). As Jot and I were walking down the street afterward, I said to him, "I guess that's what you call the gift of the gab." And he said, "I think it's more like a curse."

I was in San Francisco for St. Patrick's Day the next year, too, though I had been in Sonoma most of the week and only drove into the City that day. I'd been intending to meet people, but they were called out of town, so I spent the afternoon and evening in North Beach. I had stopped by the Tosca Cafe, which didn't seem to have a lot going on, and then soaked up the street life on my way back to my hotel. My most vivid memory is of passing, on Columbus Avenue, a young, laughing man--definitely of Asian heritage--sporting the loudest Top-to-Toe All-Green leprechaun attire I have ever witnessed. I didn't even know they made outfits like that. He was well pleased with himself, and I don't blame him: the whole street was gaping at him. Well, there was no topping that in the Irish sweepstakes, and I finished the evening with pasta and panna cotta in the Italian restaurant next to my hotel. It was a very San Francisco St. Patrick's Day.

Then there was the time many years ago when I was passing through Chicago on the Saturday before St. Patrick's, and while walking by the river (in between trains), saw that it was dyed green. This is evidently a tradition in Chicago, as is their St. Patrick's Day parade, which had been held earlier in the day. I don't know if it was then that someone told me they'd been filming a movie or if I found out later, but it turns out that a scene in The Fugitive was filmed during Chicago's St. Patrick's Day parade (Harrison Ford, on the run, blending in with the marchers). I was never for sure if it was this film or another, but I always assumed The Fugitive because it came out the following year. So I count that as the time I just missed seeing a movie being made and Harrison Ford in a green hat but got to see what a river looks like with a bunch of green dye dropped in.

Today was nowhere near that exciting, but it was sunny, which makes a pleasant change in this place at this time of year. I didn't do anything in particular to celebrate St. Patrick, but I did have a hobbity sort of dinner that included potatoes and onions. Contrary to the pattern of the last several years, spring seems to be arriving early this year, with things already greening up outdoors and the trees beginning to blossom. That's celebration enough for me. And may the road rise to meet you.

Battle of the Bulls

Following up my interest in Welsh and Irish mythology from last week, I've been re-reading The Tain, Thomas Kinsella's translation of the great Irish epic, Tain Bo Cuailnge. The story concerns a great cattle raid in which Ailill and Medb, king and queen of Connacht in west Ireland, attempt to steal the Brown Bull of Cuailnge from Ulster in the east. (I wrote about bulls recently in recounting the story of King Minos and the white bull from Greek mythology; a bull is a potent symbol in both stories, though I wouldn't say it necessarily represents the same thing in both cases.)

The idea of stealing a bull stems from an argument Medb has with Ailill concerning which of them is worth more. She's greatly displeased at finding, after an exhaustive inventory, that no matter how closely her wealth matches that of her husband, she is one down because of the defection of a prize bull, Finnbennach, the White Horned (which, we're told, didn't care to be ruled by a woman), to the king's herd. Determined to fix this, she sends around the whole of Ireland to find a bull to replace it. After being told that Donn, the Brown Bull of Cuailnge, has no equal in the land, she decides to get him for herself. When the owner balks at lending him to her, Ailill and Medb amass a great army to go after the bull, despite omens of certain disaster for their warriors.

When I started the story the other night, I sat up in disbelief at the part where Medb and Ailill agree to go war to obtain the bull. What started as a marital disagreement quickly turns into a full-fledged military campaign, with Ailill's full participation. I'd forgotten how foolishly it all started . . . though the reasons for fighting in many of the old Irish stories (and not just the Irish ones) often turn on something this seemingly insignificant.

The story is full of death, destruction, foul deeds, and the exploits of the hero Cuchulainn, the famous Hound of Ulster, a one-man fighting machine who adroitly destroys a whole host of Medb's and Ailill's warriors. Despite the epic's bloodiness, the story is told with great humor and wit; Cuchulainn's outsize accomplishments and outrageous feats of arms provide, in my reading of it, an ironic commentary on the supposed heroism of the entire affair. So much is attempted for so little, and so many lives lost; the countryside is hacked and hewn so that ever afterward place names reflect the deadly events that took place there; friend fights against friend and alliances are broken--but Cuchulainn's superhuman acts will never be forgotten.

That the war comes to nothing in the end is no great surprise. As the Connacht faction attempts to escape with the Brown Bull, they come across his counterpart, Finnbennach, and it is the two beasts' turn to give battle. Following an epic struggle, the Brown Bull shows up the next morning bearing the mangled remains of his enemy, and after staggering about for a time, mortally wounded, gives up the ghost. Ailill and Medb make peace with the Men of Ulster, and everyone goes home. So much for the urgent imperatives and well-reasoned arguments of war. This is one epic that seems to turn on the futility of war, not its nobility.

When I first read this story a few years ago, it was entirely new to me, or so I thought at first. At some point during or after my reading of it, the phrase, "the Brown Cow of Cooley," surfaced from somewhere in the past. It was a phrase I remembered hearing my mother (who was Irish) say when I was little, and it occurred to me that her Brown Cow and this Brown Bull must surely be one and the same. I can't remember the exact context in which she spoke of it, but I seem to remember some exasperation in her tone that went with the phrase, as if it represented some great undertaking that was either impossible, not worth the effort, or both.

The story itself, if not the battle, is well worth pursuing for the verve and humor of the telling. When Medb, who does not know Cuchulainn, asks who he is, she is told, matter-of-factly, "You'll find no harder warrior against you--no point more sharp, more swift, more slashing; no raven more flesh-ravenous, no hand more deft, no fighter more fierce, no one of his own age one third as good, no lion more ferocious; no barrier in battle, no hard hammer, no gate of battle, no soldiers' doom, no hinderer of hosts, more fine. . . ."

"Let us not make too much of it," Medb said.*

*(Quotation from The Tain, translated by Thomas Kinsella from Tain Bo Cuailnge. Oxford University Press.)